Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
