3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we have officially lost it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think a kid would responsible me up
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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