he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
