Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
