and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
