Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
