he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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