My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
