Will you blow on my dice?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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