I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
