on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
