The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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