I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
