at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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