Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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