Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We have started to decorate penises.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
