quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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