also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
