I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
