Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
