My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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