Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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