I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
