And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
