i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
