Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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