you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
