Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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