When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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