Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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