dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
