I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
