I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
