So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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