Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
