I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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