we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
