I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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