Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
