Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
