The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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