I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
