i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
