It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
