i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
