I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
