Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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