The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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