i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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