what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
