my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
