Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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