I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
