it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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