Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
