turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
