You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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