This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
