How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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