im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How external is "for external use only"?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
