I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
