I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
