is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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