My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
