Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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