I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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