If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
