I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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