C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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