she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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