I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
