umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
