You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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