I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
