if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
