Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize