is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
