I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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