I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
