Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
