i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
