you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
