apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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