If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
