I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
