it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
