Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
