you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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