Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
