So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
zippers are such a cool invention
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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