I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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