Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
worst night to have a conscience
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize