My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
