i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
