I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
