I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
