He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
