You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
