I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
