He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
