I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
