i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this will be a night to untag.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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