Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize