DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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