I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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