He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As shirtless as possible
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
