do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize