i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
