you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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