it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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