Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
