I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
