can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
