I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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