Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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