I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
