I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
